"The Death of Marat" Oil on canvas by David, 162 cm x 128 cm, 1793 , Royal Museum of Fine Arts of Belgium
Let me confess at the outset that I really do not know what one should say when someone dies. I have mumbled something meaningless at times; more out of nervousness and a blank mind than anything else. At times I have kept quite and avoided the subject even at the cost of appearing disinterested. Even when someone close passes away I find words hard to come by. They feel intrusive and inadequate to say the least. My favourite uncle had an accident years ago. He passed away after a couple of days in a vegetative state in an ICU. He died young. What sort of words could have brought relief to his wife and little children at the time? Decades have passed since. I still get an empty feeling just by thinking about it. Imagine the pain and emotional turbulence his immediate family went through. Actually we really can not be in their shoes , but we must say something ; most of the times! It is expected of the living!
There is a lot of help available in the form of books and even on the internet that teach you the correct etiquette and verbiage that may be used on such occasions. You may do like David did by painting the picture above about his friend's death. This will avoid words altogether. They also invented obituaries a long time ago. A formal way of saying the right things and sympathizing with the bereaved. Newspapers are full of such messages and one can learn from it easily. It is noteworthy that most of the obits will use the words like ''sad demise". People who talk about the dead are sad at the loss. You realize that not everyone gets to read their own obits like Mark Twain did. He corrected people by saying that " the reports of my death are exaggerated." He could since he was alive. Most other people are dead when their obits come out. They can not confront you , they can not correct you and they can not object. You have to be balanced. you owe it to yourself.
Even when Osama got killed in the commando raid, believe me it was a sad event. There is nothing happy about it. The fact that you had to kill another human being is sad in itself. But sadder it was to see people dancing and making merry afterwards.If you look back at the newspaper headlines from the day Hitler's body was found after he committed suicide in his bunker, you'll not see any exuberant and graceless words. One could sense relief that finally the war is nearing its end but no more. But then it was another era. Electronic medium did not exist. TV was in its nascent stages; no one had heard the word internet and no one needed to "trend on twitter".
I even find the whole chest thumping showoff and harsh commentaries that came out after Kasab was hanged quite tasteless and unnecessary. He had to pay for his sins and he did it with his life. I can not understand why anyone would not consider this a sad event? A young person who could have been a productive member of society ;who could have been a help to his struggling family and taken care of his mother in her old age, was guided along a wrong path with the result that he turned into a terrorist and a mass murderer that had to be put to death. What's so merry about this that you'll distribute sweets ? Obviously it is difficult to say something in praise of the dead in such cases , but is it so difficult to just zip up? There is a lot of confusion about who actually said " It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt", but it is worth pondering.
Bal Thakre evoked strong emotions when he was alive. Millions followed him and a lot more despised him. Eventually as is the law of nature he passed away. Somehow all of his intellectual and political adversaries who did not dare to say harsh words for the fear of retaliation when he was alive, came out with strong and blanket indictment of his life even before his body turned cold! History will of course evaluate Bal Thakre in a more comprehensive fashion than his critics or his supporters ever can but a sense of balance and dignity immediately after someone passes away is definitely a good idea. Millions are not born and millions do not die everyday. Each of them is an individual and each of them deserve their life to be celebrated and their death to be mourned.
A strange incident happened as well where an immature set of comments by two nobodies on Facebook was considered worthy of arresting them by police. These ladies certainly ought to get some extra help about what to say when someone dies but it is nothing compared to the coaching required of the police officers who decided to arrest them. Luckily the courts have thrown the prosecution's case out of the window but the officer's skill levels of policing and threat assessment have proven lower than zero. They should be retrained for a desk job or at least transferred to traffic duty. It would also be wise if they learn the difference between plain stupid, objectionable and prosecutable , when someone says something about dead! It is their job.
Even when Osama got killed in the commando raid, believe me it was a sad event. There is nothing happy about it. The fact that you had to kill another human being is sad in itself. But sadder it was to see people dancing and making merry afterwards.If you look back at the newspaper headlines from the day Hitler's body was found after he committed suicide in his bunker, you'll not see any exuberant and graceless words. One could sense relief that finally the war is nearing its end but no more. But then it was another era. Electronic medium did not exist. TV was in its nascent stages; no one had heard the word internet and no one needed to "trend on twitter".
I even find the whole chest thumping showoff and harsh commentaries that came out after Kasab was hanged quite tasteless and unnecessary. He had to pay for his sins and he did it with his life. I can not understand why anyone would not consider this a sad event? A young person who could have been a productive member of society ;who could have been a help to his struggling family and taken care of his mother in her old age, was guided along a wrong path with the result that he turned into a terrorist and a mass murderer that had to be put to death. What's so merry about this that you'll distribute sweets ? Obviously it is difficult to say something in praise of the dead in such cases , but is it so difficult to just zip up? There is a lot of confusion about who actually said " It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt", but it is worth pondering.
Bal Thakre evoked strong emotions when he was alive. Millions followed him and a lot more despised him. Eventually as is the law of nature he passed away. Somehow all of his intellectual and political adversaries who did not dare to say harsh words for the fear of retaliation when he was alive, came out with strong and blanket indictment of his life even before his body turned cold! History will of course evaluate Bal Thakre in a more comprehensive fashion than his critics or his supporters ever can but a sense of balance and dignity immediately after someone passes away is definitely a good idea. Millions are not born and millions do not die everyday. Each of them is an individual and each of them deserve their life to be celebrated and their death to be mourned.
A strange incident happened as well where an immature set of comments by two nobodies on Facebook was considered worthy of arresting them by police. These ladies certainly ought to get some extra help about what to say when someone dies but it is nothing compared to the coaching required of the police officers who decided to arrest them. Luckily the courts have thrown the prosecution's case out of the window but the officer's skill levels of policing and threat assessment have proven lower than zero. They should be retrained for a desk job or at least transferred to traffic duty. It would also be wise if they learn the difference between plain stupid, objectionable and prosecutable , when someone says something about dead! It is their job.
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