Churr Chot!

 digitally created representative image of a Shikara in Dal Lake

Growing up the question was," where were you when Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon"? Well I for one was too young to remember . Anyway We came to know about a man on the moon in our school morning assembly. They used to have senior students  read from the newspaper. Must have been a few days later. Do you know if they read out news in the morning assembly these days ? An earlier  generation used to ask, "where were you when USA detonated nuclear devices over Japan and effectively ended the world war II"? Of course I was not even born! Do I look that old? 

 

I can tell you where I was when I definitely knew I love 'Churr Chot' (छुर चोट )! Have patience, I will tell you what it is! It is a crepe made out of rice flour. Coarse thick rice grain flour works best. The sound 'Churr' is the sizzling sound it makes as you put the batter on the griddle and 'chot' translates as bread, flat bread in this case. Actually it is a savoury sizzling crepe. It of course is from my native land; Kashmir. There are some differences but if you have had plain dosa from the south of India; It is similar.  A number of cuisine  world wide have a related item.

 

Essentially you take a little rice flour ; add some salt to taste; add some cumin seeds and optionally add a pinch of baking soda. That's it. Make a runny batter; use cold water and let it stand for a few minutes unless you are in a hurry! Traditionally it is cooked in mustard oil. That imparts  its unique flavour and  that bit of a sharpness to taste loved by connoisseurs. You can use sunflower oil or vegetable oil instead if you do not have mustard oil or can not bear its pungency. it is a bit of an acquired taste. Do not use butter, please! So spread a teaspoonful oil on the hot griddle and spread some batter thinly on it in a circular shape. keep the heat medium to low. let it cook for about two minutes or until bottom is crisp. Add few drops of oil to the sides if it feels too dry. There is no need to cook both sides. In fact a crisp side with a little soft gooey inside tastes best. Enjoy  fresh with a hot cup of sweetened tea. Traditionally it is eaten with kehwa which is also a kind of tea. Kehwa flavoured with cardmom and a strand or two of saffron is something to die for!

 

As I was telling you I was in my maternal grandmother's massive kitchen. I lived there for the first couple of years of my life. Sort of my foster home! why is a bit complicated! My maternal grandma Sonabatani a.k.a. Bhabhi was an exceptional cook and she was making 'Yaaz'. A steamed thick rice flour dumpling with walnut pieces. It is shaped like a conical skull cap. Steamed pieces are slowly crisp fried in oily water in an earthen pot . Another heavenly food made of rice flour that is rarely made these days because of  the time, precise care and culinary expertise it takes. I was young, between 2 to 3 years of age and she gave me one of the 'Yaaz'. I found it hard to handle and my grand ma right away made a small "churr Chot' for me. That was the day and that is where I was when I knew. 

 

I made a few for my breakfast this Sunday with rather mixed results. Which is a polite way of saying they were less than good! Yeah, I still ate all three of them! Don't you give  an evil eye to my appetite! In a tragic twist of fate the same  grand mother  had to live her last days sharing  a one bedroom flat smaller than her kitchen of her own home in the valley of Kashmir, with four other members.  Islamic terrorism had violently uprooted her and  her circumstances had gotten severally reduced. 'Churr Chot' and 'Yaaz' became luxuries sacrificed at  the alter of survival.

 

On that note tell me where were you  when Islamic terrorists blew up the twin  towers in New York? I was finalizing the details of a pavilion design we were doing for Steel Authority of India and getting 1:100 scale model made simultaneously. Presentation was round the corner. That day Nitin, my drafts person who was working on the  Cad file  for me went on a news website and found out about it. "Ashutosh Sir"; he shouted! I was  with the freelance model maker one door down the hall !

 

 'Churr Chot' is a life long love  but isn't there  something  called 'love of a life time'? Where were  you when you finally knew you have found it? If you did?  One day in August long time ago I took a late night bus to another city. I arrived early morning. I brushed  my teeth and changed my tee shirt at the bus terminal; walked to a girls hostel and sent a message through the security guard. Person I had  travelled to see came out holding an unfinished sandwich from her breakfast. She shared her sandwich with me ; grumbled a little but missed her class too for me.  We went to a municipal park not too far away. That park was not exactly the garden of Eden!

 

Soon it started drizzling lightly and it became a lot cooler. She was wearing a blue skirt and I am partial to blue on a women; specially Ultramarine and Prussian blue. She looked like the most beautiful women on earth. I looked on mesmerized! Immediately  I thought She must be cold and I have nothing to cover her  with. I realized I was thinking like her parent; her friend and her lover all at once! I wanted to simply dissolve my entire being into her and make her loose herself in mine! I knew for sure this was it  for life! That is were I was; in that derelict public park! 

 

She did something that day because she has occupied every cell of mine since. I have failed completely to get her out. I Can't really figure out what in the blazes this connection is. I am crazy; because a life time has passed since and I have nothing to show for all those decades. I received nothing but a lifelong stain  and this person  does not even exist any more in this physical dimension except in my memory! A seriously shrunk version of this person does exist somewhere. They are in their comfort zone and do not care any more; even about basic courtesy! Maybe this is happening in an alternate reality that I just do not comprehend. I don't know !

 

It is rather pointless now but I will tell you where I was when I definitely knew I am no longer in her life! I did not want to believe it at the time though! It did get confirmed a day or two later when I got stranded because my person  had to go shopping with her 'friend'. I had only travelled 5000 km to see her; not so important! was it ?

 

Ironically it was a place diametrically opposite to that dreary little park we talked about previously.  Kashmir valley is one of most beautiful places on earth. Before Islamic terrorism destroyed it millions visited it for tourism and on special occasion like honeymoons and romantic getaways. So there we were sitting next to each other in a Shikara enjoying a lazy boat ride in the calm waters of the Dal lake. Venice is no match to what you can experience on the Dal lake with the right company. 

 

It was a bright sunny day. It might as well have been gloomy and cloudy. My companion on the boat was emotionally absent! There was no warmth in her voice; much less any love; but she was talking constantly. It was all about the richness of her friends, their car, material things she missed getting her hands on, a fourth party that tried to date her! Everything but 'us'. it was all very performative. Much later I realized it was a mechanism to avoid having a substantive discussion with me or giving me a honest   sit-rep.  It was clear that I was always a convenience and never a commitment. I was a poor  rejected option and by showing up I had become an annoyance. An irritant that needed to be kept stalled in a web of dishonest lies by bread crumbing and finally ghosting. It was a carefully planned and calibrated maneuver. Betrayal, as you know, is never a mistake. It is a choice that requires detailed planning, clear will and serious action.

 

Yeah, I was with the person of my dreams; in one of the most romantic places on earth, floating gently on a boat on a serene lake. It was a bright sunny beautiful day! It was such a good day to die! Wasn't it? Innocent pure version of myself; one with an empathetic heart died that day.  Irony of the situation is not lost on you; is it?

 

I am a grounded person. Fought really hard with my demons for decades to achieve this balance. I am not looking for anything at this stage of life. I do not need to prove anything and I do not require outside validation. However at times I wonder where were they when they decided betrayal is better than taking responsibility for a relationship. Abandoning and running away is better than  showing up for your person? Where they decided it is beneficial  to get money for their self respect, identity, professional career, family and culture. Where were they when they decided unconditional love should be sacrificed for their selfish lust?  Where were they when they decided strategic lying and planned silence is easier than  accountable action and  honest communication? Where did they resolve to treat people; who only gave them love, even when they were not in a good place; like toilet paper?  Where were they when they decided it is OK  to be impervious to the near mortal pain they are  causing; to be rude; disrespectful; pathetically cold and hide away?

 

Where were they when they decided it validates them to sleep with their married boss! Supposedly a 'pregnant' friend's husband. In a hotel room somewhere in the city! Perhaps during one of their trysts at a scenic spot, where they told me  it would require a 'car'!

 

Anyway it is a never ending game! This  'where were you'! Try some of your own life events. It might illuminate your understanding of the ways of the world. By the way isn't it quite amazing how devouring a couple of sizzling crepe for breakfast could unleash this runaway train of old memories and  wildly berserk thoughts in me!

 

Listen , if nothing else try making a 'Churr Chot'. Chances are you will like the taste and years from now you will have a  'where were you' story. Only better than mine! I hope! Many blessings of ' Navreh'; Kashmiri new year and also a new year for most of the Indian communities.