The Day That Was!

'Bird in a Mental Cage'

Doodle by Ashutosh Kaul. Jan' 2026 

168mm X 213mm . Sketch Pen on paper

 

I called home the other day and spoke to my father. For close to half a century I have discussed , argued and even wildly disagreed with him  regularly on every subject under the sun. In my home we can do that without any repercussions. My father is vastly knowledgeable, brilliant, sharp and a gentleman. This time round though he asked me if I am calling him from Delhi or from out of town. Thing is I live abroad and  I was home five months back. It was completely out of character for him  to say that. It hit me like a sledge hammer. His mental cage has shrunk  dramatically in the interval! We haltingly managed a small discussion on the current political affairs. Not very sure what's going on. I will have to go see about it, won't I ? A short trip to Delhi is on !

He is not a touchy feely individual so  forget about Public display of affection! Even towards his children. I do not think he ever held me in his arms  or cuddled me ever; even as a child. I am not highlighting a childhood father wound. Not at all ! His way of showing love  was to bring me to his office and sit me down in the massive Times Of India library with children's literature. Get me to Firoz Shah kotla stadium and let me watch Tony Greig hit a ton, all by myself. Bring home international Journals and magazines to read. Have a house full of books and encourage open discussions on topics ranging from scientific inventions to film and personal relations. Always with tolerance for my immaturity and patience for my youthful ignorance. 

 

Before I forget let me tell you one unusual instance when he did pick me up. He took me to watch the military parade. I was too little and it was crowded. I watched the parade from his shoulders. I still remember the tanks rolling down majestically on the marching route. That was the day!

I will be there again soon so we will  watch the parade together this year - on TV of course. I am too big to ride his shoulders ! Hope he is well enough to interact brilliantly as usual.

Yeah; it is the birthday of the modern Republic of India. A simple search on the internet will tell you that Indian republic shares a birthday with Paul Newman and Ellen DeGeneres among some other individuals that you are not acquainted with. 

 

Once upon a time; a long long  time ago in order to celebrate the birthday of just such a person we made plans. As they were already in town on a study trip  we were to meet at a bus stop and then walk to Nirula's restaurant  across the road. We had been there before, we liked it and I could afford it. The bus stop was an easy ride away for them and they had been there a couple of times earlier. I reached early and waited for them to arrive.

I waited a long time, a few hours beyond the appointed hour. I waited in vain. This was of course pre cell phone era. Buses came and went. They did not arrive. Later during their stay in town, I was told that they had also waited.... but at a different bus stop on the same route. By mistake they had gotten off earlier! Anyway, we will do this next year, they consoled me! They will be done studies and come to Delhi for good. I understood! 

It happened as they said; mostly! They were done next year and they did come to Delhi for good after a little time at home!  Do not  ask me about the rest of the pact we had. They did not come for me. In short they told me that they have found someone who loves them the way they want and they could not  care any less for my  bruised ego!! I should get lost or whatever.... 

Sunk cost escape! Have you heard about the concept? Comes originally from the corporate world. What it means is that a manager needs to know when to shut a project down ; even if it means that the money spent  on it will be lost forever. Cut your loss and run! Alternative is to keep on investing resources in it and further increase  your losses. Project is lost anyway. Makes a lot of business sense. Doesn't it?

At an individual level it means to stop reading a book you do not like. Do not drag yourself towards the last page just because you have bought the book. No need to finish watching a movie that is boring you to death. Let the admission price go waste. Exit signs are there for a reason in all theatres. Do not force yourself to stay in a draining toxic relationship dynamic that pains the heart all the time.

It's foolhardy to stay invested because you threw a large part of your life in and destroyed  decades  defending a poor choice. Think about the rest of your life! Can you afford to waste what is left and make compromise over compromise?

Life unfortunately is not a business venture. Most of us are trapped in a mental cage of our own that keeps us from saving ourselves. Our fears, our doubts and our selfish greed play havoc with what ought to be done. We are shattered internally into a million pieces, but this imaginary cage gives us a movie set like facade for the world outside. In reality we only manage to fool ourselves. World is really not bothered one way or the other. 

Jungle can teach us a thing or two if we observe honestly. Cow and Bison are similar animals. When a storm gathers on the horizon, a cow sees the storm and quickly finds a tree or other shelter to hide behind. At the same time, it keeps moving away from the storm, creating larger and larger distance from it. With the result that when the storm finally makes contact with the cow it has already gathered its full might.  The cow is now forced to take   a massive hit from the storm at its highest potency. Hiding and running away proves counterproductive. But cow is a coward!

Bison on the other hand quickly rushes towards the mouth of the storm and meets it head on as early as it can. Bison too gets hit as the storm passes by, but the storm is weak, at its beginner intensity. Smart! A bison has more intelligence than most of us. We act like cows and do not understand that running away will not spare us any troubles. We have seldom found the courage and honesty to face the problem squarely when it crops up and do the right thing. Sad isn't it, that we have to take a bigger load of the crap than we need to because of what we lack - courage, integrity and ethical behaviour.

I am a step worse off than most being in a mental prison serving a life sentence. Around this day I go back in my mind to that bus stop, scanning the horizon for the bus that will never arrive; waiting for the disembarking birthday girl. A person gone so long ago that she only exists in my memory. I know fully well that a version of her has already gotten off at a different bus stop of life. All the more by her own choice; never again to take the route where I could be. I too am a different version of myself ! Much older if not much wiser. No longer am I an innocent, trusting individual. No , I am not!

I only pause mentally. The thing is that I was lied to so seamlessly that I am no longer sure if any of what I depicted  even happened, ever! Was I there at the bus stop that day ?  Were they  actually  at another bus stop that day or was that a convenient lie too?

What part of  this is my imagination; what part is a reality? What was  factual ; which one  was a white lie?  Is that my dead hope playing tricks on me; or is that a cherished memory nudging at my heartstrings? Was that care or was that manipulation? What was the real emotion; what was vampish bread crumbing? Am I even sane for having these thoughts running through my head or have I gone  totally cukkoo! 

In my confused, stupified hazy mind they alight from the bus every year; at the stop I am waiting then the image ends.

Since I am in town on this day what if I go to that bus stop; the one they said they were waiting? Maybe I will find their innocent, truthful, caring trustworthy, intelligent, beautiful and cheerful version there waiting for me. I could then ask about their welfare and wish them a happy birthday. Can I not?

It is that kind of the day! 

Sunk cost escape did not work for me. I have kept pouring into a leaking vessel; unmindful of my mounting losses. I have never learned to behave any other way. I can't get out of the mental cage I am in but once in a while I can shout and get my words out; freely flying away!

26 January; That is the day. So, like the previous 40 odd times, I will add yet another loss to my vast collection by sending out greetings of the republic day and wishes for a super happy birthday in advance to someone you do not know. Someone I thought I knew but I was wrong. Very wrong indeed! Let the universe bring my good wishes to them!

May they have a great birthday and an amazingly happy life ahead. Maybe they too remember the bus stop from the past!

 

26 January is that kind of the day!

 

 

The Difficult Divorce!

"Tronald Dump", Cartoon by Ashutosh Kaul 

 W135mm X H 200mm; Pen & Ink on paper.

Joseph Stalin ran a very tight ship. His admirers will however tell you that he inherited a nation of wooden carts and turned it into a nation of space crafts. It had its costs though; especially the human cost. Millions of  Soviet citizens were imprisoned, millions were executed and several more were sent to Gulag - labour camps in the  Russian far East. 

His ruthless henchman doing the dirty work was one Georgian named Laverinty Beria. Just a mere mention of the name Beria was enough to bring chills of intense fear down anyone's spine! Famously he is reported to have said, " show me the man and I will show you the crime"! 

Lebensraum is such an innocuous German word meaning  living space. Amazing that this word is behind world war 2. Hitler invaded Poland, France , Russia and bombed  half of England to bits in order to get more land towards the eastern part of Germany.

History is littered with tyrants, despots, dictators and megalomaniacs that bought war,  misery, suffering and injustice to the world. All of them had  very high sounding stated ideologies behind their actions and there is no dearth of their  admirers too. Yes, even Hitler! He is largely credited for the German industrial Renaissance like Autobahn and volkswagon? That however does not absolve him of murdering millions for being  Jewish. You might recall the sign at the entrance of Nazi concentration death camps was a lofty sounding "Arbeit macht frei", meaning work makes one free!  Yeah right ; free as in dead ! Straight out of the devil's playbook if you ask me! 

Do you know why these names come to mind when you think of Trump? One word - Venezuela! Now I am not going to to give any character certificate to the Maduro  government but look if US has the authority to execute an unilateral action ; what is the use of UN then ? Can a country simply invade a weaker nation on any pretext without providing any proof of any kind? If all countries did what US so blithely did, where will it lead to? They masked the military action as a police action in order to avoid taking appropriate approvals from the US congress. It does not fool any body and Trump does not care if it does ! USA has a bad history with facts. Remember they invaded Iraq to get their hands on their WMD that never was. At the same time US proxy Pakistan not only pursued one but also openly ran a nuclear Walmart trading fissile material and nuclear tech with North Korea among others. US calmly turned a blind eye!

Now I have gone through a number of commentaries and analysis from various sources and here is  my take in a nutshell. USA is afraid; it is very afraid and there is a good reason for it too. Firstly when it engaged in the ping pong diplomacy with China in the early 1970's ; USA  never imagined that they are digging their own grave. They saw supporting China as a way of neutralizing One more Soviet ally. Fifty odd years later China has turned into a huge monster that is directly challenging USA from sports to Trade and Technology. These are the modern currencies of the world. Every day USA is trying to play catch up and losing ground steadily. Strictly from the US perspective China needs to be slowed down.

Then comes the traditional currency itself - The mighty Dollar ! After the significant US role in the second world war and because of it US$ replaced British pound as the most prominent currency in the world. US strengthened its position incrementally and made  agreements in the middle east for them to sell oil in US$ only in return for the US security umbrella. This worked fine for long. Every nation needed to hunt for the dollar; US$ went from strength to strength and USA kept laughing all the way to the bank! With the demise of the Soviet Union; US virtually had a free run of the world. Sadly for them Russia has resurfaced. China of course has become quite powerful and holds a massive dollar reserve; 3.3433 Trillion to be exact. Highest of any nation. Then there is India- fast adding economic heft and growing at 7%. Among the highest rate of growth in the world.   With a GDP north of 2 Trillion Dollars , Brazil in the US backyard has also become a rising economic power and if you think I just explained BRICS to you ; you are right because I did! Just add South Africa to the mix and you have the core. BRICS is the biggest nightmare Trump has and he is wildly lashing out to control it!

"Dedollarisation", is a concept whose time has come. More and more international trade deals are seeking to divorce the dollar. If you know anything about divorces ; you know it is not easy. USA accounts for 25% of the world economy and at times the sole supplier of critical equipment and products. Remember that Oil price is denominated in US$. Decades of interactions; trade and financial ties as well as intergovernmental treaties and critical business necessities can  only be ignored at a cost. You understand how difficult  it is to finalize this divorce, don't you? China is increasingly producing high technology products; even arms and armaments. Mostly at a lower price point. A number of recent deals have been snatched by them from the US hands. US  F 35 stealth fighter Vs. Chinese J 20 stealth fighters is a case in point. Nearly the same initial  price but  J 20 has significantly lower costs over its serviceable life and their order books are filling fast. While F35 orders are being scaled back and cancelled at times.  No surprise! US is worried sick !

USA has largely blocked Iranian oil  from  reaching the world markets. It has severally sanctioned Russian Oil on the pretext of Ukraine. The war that is mostly forced on Russia by the west. US at the same time has been severally pressurizing both India and China  from buying the Russian oil. So far with minimum success! I know you are thinking Where is Venezuela in all this gibberish ? 

Get this, Venezuela holds 20% of the entire oil reserves of the world ! Venezuela has been selling the oil directly to customers and reportedly accepting currencies other than Dollar! China is the biggest customer in the world. India is right behind. Crude oil fuels their economies. Venezuela had also made overtures to Join BRICS. Just as comparison estimated GDP of BRICS jointly runs between 45 - 50% of the world economy measured by purchase power parity. Way ahead of the US. US wants to control access to the Venezuelan oil and exploit it for their own gain.

What happens when 50% of the world neither buys from the American businesses nor use American currency for their trade? US dollar loses value; US economy stagnates and US loses influence in the world. US can not let it happen so it resorts to thuggery, kidnapping , violence; violation of national sovereignty and goes against every international tenant in the rule book!  

You might recall USA has recently floated the idea of Canada as a US 51 st state. It has been repeated so often that is not funny any more. It does not bother US  that Canada is a  sovereign nation and  the closest ally that is more than offended by this loose talk. Just to clarify, Canada has massive oil reserves in addition to most of the world's freshwater  and extensive mineral resources. 

Greenland is another pie that US wants to gobble up. It does not matter that a NATO ally Denmark is impacted by this intransigence; Trump wants it pronto ! There is  even a constant banter of 'forced annexation'. Obviously alarm bells are ringing wildly in the European capitals! Why Greenland you ask! Well one for the natural resources and two for its militarily strategic geographical location between North America and Europe. USA also wants to control the trans arctic shipping route. This route is increasingly being used to supply China among others.

Just off the mainland China sits Taiwan. We are not going to discuss that tense and fractured relationship but understand that US is strongly present there. Ostensibly to provide security to Taiwan but actually to monitor and squeeze China by blocking the sea lanes, if need be. 

So Trump wants to control trade routes; corner a lion's share of the world mineral resources and keep a stranglehold on crude oil distribution. They plan to keep dollar high and absolutely necessary for commerce for a start. It also wants to slow down the technological and economic progress of other countries, mainly China and India by choking access to cheap oil and limiting technology transfers to some extent. Tariffs are being used strategically to smother trade and inflows of hard currency for these economies. Trump has weaponized immigration too. 100,000 dollar fee for H1B visa is one aspect ; you might have heard of how a regular mother of a small child was shot dead by  an ICE agent in Minneapolis. Things are just getting out of hand!

Just today someone very worriedly asked my take on the possibility of a US commando raid to kidnap the Canadian PM Carney if  he does not facilitate Canada becoming the 51 st state of the USA.

I thought he was joking - he was not!

As I said earlier even Hitler has admirers! A whole lot of people;  a lot of them US voters are currently wondering what did they ever see in this person ? Although not a US voter;  I am sadly one of them. It's amazing how we could not see through the chap for a deranged narcissistic that he is. One that is an ego driven megalomaniac  taking reckless actions and making dangerous emotionally charged and amplified rhetorical  claims.  He is simply doing more damage than good ! We should have known better. We should have!

So many think Trump is a discredit to America and wish to get him out of the way. He of course still has most of the three  years of his Four year term left. He remains in charge at the white house. There is no knowing what other crazy mess he will create ahead. Pray for a rule based world order. Pray very hard and keep your fingers crossed because Trump is going nowhere in a hurry !

What did I say about divorces! It is never easy; It is not!

 

Happy B'Day J !

Well J I am going to ignore the confusion about the correct date of your birth! It is not important. Most of the world celebrates it on 25th Dec. and we will stick to it. Frankly my own real birthday is actually a month later than what my documents say. Happens a lot with a lot of people. Some a lot less great than you. so Happy Birthday dear! 

You are so lucky; yeah you are! You were born 2026 years ago and not in our times. It was probably a better time to live. You think I have lost my mind; don't you? Roman excesses, primitive  society, war, disease and such.....I know. Compare that with today and surprise ,surprise!

Nothing has changed. Just replace Romans with the power of your choice. Wars-check; disease - check; remember COVID. Primitive society- check ; actually worse as we are seeing it in Bangladesh, Gaza, Biondi beach..... If anything it is worse than what you were faced with. If you are impressed by technology , check what it has done to the simple joys of life. Commercialism ; materialism ..... Nothing recommends the present.

In your time Mary was kind of put on the pedestal for an ' immaculate' birth; in our time nobody cares about an unwed mother one way or the other. You think you had it tough in life? Listen, you are a carpenter , aren't you?  Try getting into carpentry school today! You'll be surprised how difficult it is. Especially for a person of colour such as you.  Ask those students from India who tried to get in but never got the opportunity for the trade. Instead they kept flipping burgers for three years and are now staring at deportation and a total financial ruin!

Tell me again how many companions you had and how many betrayed you? One Judas Iscariot out of the twelve , and you knew before hand too! That is a 8.33 % loss. I had only one. I trusted 100% with no inkling of what was coming. I was negotiating hard with my family to formalize this connection while they were betraying me with their married boss! Thank you very much ! It would have been quite funny if it was not so naive and tragic! Remember I did not have 12 companions. Since I had just no other option it is a 100% loss for me and I permanently damaged relations with most of my family as a bonus. Still think you had a rough time, do you? What is your verdict J ?

 

Do you know they started a new faith after you. Killed and maimed in your name to spread the faith too. Made people and nations slaves in your name. Someone who ironically came to free everyone of their sins. You, king of Jews ; a Jew himself; was the inspiration for murdering millions of Jews as 'Christ killers'. Doesn't that make you throw up in disgust? Isn't it lucky you did what you had to, so long ago?

Your trials and tribulations ended on the cross at the age of 33 or at 36 years of age; as some scriptures say. I am almost twice that age with a few more to go! And  Do not even get me started on your crown of thorns. I had a person as the crown. Lost it! Got  left with left over thorns. Thorns everywhere; Thorns through my heart too. And all I was looking for was a flower! One single flower !

I know you carried your own cross. Just look around. Can you not see that today everyone is bearing one of their own . We all are; trust me! You at least got taken down from the cross after they nailed you to it. You reportedly went to heaven from there. Good for you! We are all still here. Still trying to make any sense of it all!

My friend, nobody gave me a second glance, much less take me down.  I am condemned to carry my cross forever; still nailed to it.  Neither dead nor fully alive.  Neither sad, nor happy. Neither confused, nor fully aware.  Neither feeling detached , nor do I fully belong. Missing what I can never get!  Neither fully healed , nor fully defeated! I can only achingly long for a world that could have  been a pleasurable heaven and entirely mine!  Instead  I am existing in this twilight zone. It is hellish for the most part. At least for me.

Luke 23:34 tells us about forgiveness even under intense pain and untold suffering. So bible tells us that you prayed, " Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing". Great job indeed! We should all learn compassion , kindness and high ethical values from it.

J can you send me a prayer of forgiveness  as well. Something that I can recite for them. Only in my case they knew exactly what they were doing. They planned , plotted , lied through their teeth and  they went ahead to turn the knife in! You got a prayer for that ? Come on, I will repeat after you," Father forgive them for...... for.... come on!!

OK do not stress ! I know it is kind of a tall order but I thought maybe you could find the words since you are supposed to be the only son of God. I on the other hand ,am just an ordinary person; not 'only' and a 'son of man' to boot. I do not expect me to be God! 

Trust me; all in all you have had a good deal compared to what I deal with every waking moment .

Tell me what can we do here? No rush I have waited  decades and I can wait till my last! Today accept my greetings of the season and enjoy your Christmas. Happy Birthday! Please be sensible in that new year party! There is partying in heaven ? Isn't it ? 

 

Just asking!

 

Denim Jacket!

Representative Picture 

By the time I reached grade 9, I had developed an awareness for fashion and things. Movies did  help in the sense that they  showcased all that is in vogue! I regularly watched foreign movies and read a lot of western books and magazines  that I had access to. Marlboro man with his hat, jeans and jacket was almost my hero. Almost; because Marlboro is a cigarette brand and I never liked the idea of smoking. It has always been very disgusting to me!

Among the things I wanted was a Swiss army knife; wrist watch with digital numerals; leather shoulder bag, sports shoe called Gola shoe in my childhood,  track suit from Adidas and above all a  blue denim jacket from wrangler! There was this store near Regal cinema in Cannaught Place.... I had it all figured out!

All those items on my wish list had one thing in common - expensive! They were all beyond my reach as a piss poor student. Given my nature I did not broach  the possibility of purchasing  anything from the list with my family. I knew they did not have the resources, it would just embarrass them! I carried my wish list in my heart for a long time.

 

When you are young time is all you have, nothing else! Smart people use that time effectively. Educating themselves; planning their activities; making good choices and preparing for future. I was not exactly smart. I was too emotional and I still am; did not have any guidance either and I choose things unwisely; only using my heart and very little brain. Nevertheless I finished my student life; started in my profession on a high note and gained funds to fund my wants. Out came my wish list promptly.

 

First thing I got was a leather messenger bag. We two became inseparable. Even when there was nothing to carry I carried that bag. Maybe it was a sign from universe that I will have to carry a heavy baggage all my life ! Interesting what insights passage of time affords  oneself !

I do not like to wear a watch, just wanted one. So that digital watch I got a few years later. From my first trip abroad. In fact I got a few. Some I gifted to family some I kept. None of them have survived the ravages of time. Although  I still have an 80 year old vintage Favre Lueba in working condition; the kind you wind up by hand every day and tally the time by listening to the radio. This originally belonged to a grand parent who handed that out to an aunt. This aunt did not like the visibly masculine design and she traded it with my mother's  ladies wrist watch . My mother promptly gave the watch  to me. I was 14 years old and I have had it since.

 

Shoes are a weakness usually reserved for ladies ! I am that exception. Given a choice of picking one thing among several of equal value I would choose...... you guessed it! I got that Gola shoe pretty quickly. In fact sports shoe is the first kind I got when I started buying for myself. So checked that off my list in short time. I have a dozen shoes and some pairs do not even come out of their box for months but I have them! If I had space I would probably collect another dozen! That's one of my weird quirk even I do not understand fully! What is the tie between shoes and me? Maybe another sign from universe signalling what is fated for me. Shoes will keep raining on my head, perhaps !

 

I had a blue track suit I remember. It still is someplace in our walk-in closet. I got some other sporty apparel from my foreign travels. Eventually I got older and also realized I am not exactly very sporty. Now I eschew that full track suit; just buy the top and ditch the lower. Smart, isn't it? In Ku'Damm area of Berlin there is a store that sells only knives. Amazing store indeed. I got my Swiss army knife there. The knife is cheekily called " The Night Manager"! I am not kidding! That is what it is called! So that's my list all Checked out.

 

Yeah I know ; the denim jacket! Well.... I do not have it, not yet! Maybe some day, maybe not ! There is a back story that may not be  too comprehensible to you but the fact is that only today it has finally dawned upon me as to why I have not bought it. So there is a small pavement bazaar on Janpath in Delhi. Long time ago I saw an Indian style ladies shoe called jutti . It was deep red toned and had an amazingly colourful Rajasthani folk design hand embroidered on it. As usual I imagined it on my special person. Something I still do for everything I like. I still remember the shoe was priced 50 Rupees. Usually you could haggle the price down a little as these sellers expect it too! I would have bought it instantly but stopped short since I was unsure of the correct shoe size.

 

So my plan was to buy the shoe which would look sensational paired with a blue denim jacket on my person.  I decided that next time we are together I would buy denim Jackets for both of us as well as the shoe and possibly some chunky silver jewellery to go with it.  My special person could approve the fit and design for both of us. It was a good plan!

 

Only, Next time never arrived!

 

I have almost bought the denim jacket dozens of times since ! Every time I have gotten out of completing the purchase on one pretext or the other. This happened yesterday too at the store. I saw the jacket displayed; I got pulled to it as if by magnet; I told myself ," you are too old for this "; I walked away!

 

At home I dissected my own behaviour and really looked at how many excuses I have given myself for not getting it; from 'it does not fit' to 'It is too expensive' and 'I do not like the design/ material'! I have gone through all of them and recycled the excuses a few times too! 

 

It is hard to face your own frailties and immaturity! The real reason hiding behind the facade of my excuses  is my very ambitious purchase 'Next Time'  plan that I gave myself 40 years ago! It sounded very doable and sensible  at the time. I am afraid denim Jacket will be have to rubbed off the list since it can not be checked out.  'Next time' may arrive only in next life and who knows in next life if these kind of clothes are still in vogue!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Middle Finger!

AI generated caricature of Frank Gehry 

You think looking into a mirror is easy? Mirror as a metaphor for people, situations, memories, plans, actions, words.... No it is not that one can not face the mirror ; that is the easy part. Mirrors generally are benign, empathetic and even benevolent at times. It is what the mirror reflects back, that is bloody uncomfortable! Specially what it says about who you really are as a person. Truth be told one is in fact dead scared to face oneself! That makes people look away, avoid, run and hide from a mirror.

You can of course show the middle finger to the mirror! Not everyone is as lucky though. During a press conference in Spain a journalist did ask Gehry to comment on the criticism that his Bilbao museum design is more of a "show off"! Gehry gave him the middle finger! Plain refused to look in the mirror.

Gehry was the pioneer user of 3 D design software originally developed for the space industry. His parametric design language completely turned the "Form follows Function"  dictum on its head. Curvilinear  sculptural form came ahead with  function adapted to it almost as an afterthought. His use of non standard material like titanium added a level of exclusivity to his projects and therein lie some other criticisms around project costs; longevity of the buildings and maintenance challenges.

Gehry worked unbothered by the noise. Although his work has been labelled deconstructionist , he hated labels and considered himself to be an artist with his work as his creative expression. To share a secret with you ; I think of his work as a super sized sculpture too. Trouble is sculpture does not have to function as a building. Should a building function as a sculpture?  I fully appreciate and recognize Gehry's great standing in modern architecture but I am unsure if it  essentially is where architecture should be heading. There; I said it! I  hope no one comes after me with hammer and tongs. Well Gehry just passed or he would have flashed his middle finger at me!

Ancient scriptures explain what 'Dharm' is? It is simply doing what is right ! "Right", is informed by Desh and kaal; ie the location you are in and the time period you are living in. We were given an intellect and an instinct which we are required to educate, hone and sharpen all the time. It will show us what is right and what is not. It always comes through in my experience. Largely we ignore the little voice in our head at our peril!

Some times it is alright though. You should choose oneself and show a middle to what is troubling you! You should gather the courage to strike out a different path even when you are on it all by yourself. Show a middle to the company that leaves you mid stream one way or the other. Challenge here is false pride & inflated egos that cloud judgment. 

There is just a thin line between self respect and selfishness; between reason and excuse; between being carefree and being careless;  between love and manipulation; between being assertive and being aggressive; being sagacious and being scheming; and certainly between being careful and being a coward!

May God grant the wisdom and honesty of this distinction to everyone! May everyone really love what they see in the mirror!

And just on that note today I was gladdened to see a little boy and his younger sister being walked home from school by their mother as I was parked by the sidewalk. Both children were picking up snow by the fistful; rub it onto their clothes; throw it down; repeat; laugh; wade in the next little snow bank after two steps; lie down in snow after another step; get up cuddle their mom..... all in the space of ten meters that I could watch. Without actually showing a middle they were showing a middle to cold; a middle to worries; middle to undue haste and a middle to all pretensions! 

Do you think such sterling innocence will ever be afraid to look in the mirror?   

 

 

 

More or Less!

Germany has contributed immensely to the human intellectual and cultural capital throughout the ages. Right away one is reminded of Einstein ; arguably the greatest scientific mind ever. Emmanuel Kant; Hegel; Nietzsche and Arthur Schopenhauer are indisputably the pillars of modern philosophy. It would not be amiss to add Karl Marx to the list as well. 

 

Bertolt Brecht; Goethe; Franz Kafka; Friedrich Schiller and Guntur Grass are  well known luminaries of world literature. Any reference to classical music would be incomplete without mentioning Beethoven; Bach; Brahms; Wagner and Mendelssohn. Each name is literally carved on the list of great world composers.

 

You might have guessed my fascination with the German intellect.  Fact is that most of my own work ethic and design language is highly inspired by it. I have learned immensely  by working on projects in Germany and  I am quite indebted to those opportunities !

Bauhaus, which literally translates as 'construct house' was a German design movement during early part of the twentieth century. It was not limited to architecture but extended to interior design, furniture design; typography and graphics as well. Actually there is a font called Bauhaus too. Just do not tell anyone that I dislike it! This movement believed in rational; functional aesthetic and simple clean lines with nothing superfluous or ornamental . Form followed function. This was nothing short of revolutionary and maybe the most important advance in the theory of design - ever.

Architect Walter Gropius established this school of  design ! Nazi Germany had sadly other ideas. They promoted classic ostentation. Bauhaus's aesthetic was considered an effeminate sparsity. Obviously it ran afoul of the Nazi understanding of what constitutes a master  race Germanic design.  They  brutally shut it down. Walter sailed for safety of the US shores!

 

"To be or not to be", Shakespeare asked this fundamental question in his play Hamlet. Should one continue living and face the harsh vicissitudes that living entails  or end it once for all and be at peace ! Existential question indeed!

 

Walter added a principle for the living: "less is more"! Essentially it means that focusing on fewer quality activities will lead to beauty, meaning and effectiveness. What more can we do? What ought to be less?  To paraphrase Hamlet- more or less, that is the question!

Ludwig Mies Van Der Rohe actually applied it in several fields of design including architecture and  has been immensely successful. Some times this kind of work is referred to as minimalism. Personally I do not like that term. It somehow feels miserly ; like an pejorative. As if some elements are missing on purpose ! Actually a design that follows "less is more"; is complete in all aspects. In fact there is nothing there that is not required to be there - simple! 

 

More recently architect Richard Meir; a Pritzker prize winner, has designed several iconic buildings which I feel adhere to "Less is more" rule. I like his clean , crisp, white and  sharp work immensely.  I am  a visual artist and an exhibition designer primarily so I will not comment on the architectural details.  Purely in visual terms I can easily see a direct connection in his elevations with Bauhaus school of design. Diametrically different from other contemporary stalwarts like Frank Gehry or a Zaha Hadid  for that matter.

 

IKEA understood the potential. They bring  clean design to good people. Walk into a store and you can see 'less is more' applied to industrial design with a Nordic flavour. In my experience public loves the offerings and is very receptive of the practical beauty of no nonsense Swedish design.  I personally have several items, from furniture to cutlery and floor covering to lights that I really love.

Can we apply this mantra in our day to day life? Yes; more Biophilic design! I know ,I know sometimes there are unnecessary big words! Do not let it dissuade you. All it means is a design that nourishes your relationship with the natural elements. Simply put green space, plant life and natural elements need to have an expanded role in public spaces, interiors and architecture. It is being done extensively in the west; Where they are not so desperately in need of it. They are doing it because it should be done! How about India? 

 

You may have heard of Peter Singh and Nino Kaur. This couple have achieved an indoor AQI of 10 ; when the outside numbers are north of frighteningly toxic 500. This is in Delhi of course. This couple reside in Sainik farms,  where they  grow fruits and vegetables organically in their green house using innovative techniques like hydroponics. They have created their own sustainable and nourishing micro  environment. More green equals less pollution. Apparently they even make a pretty penny by selling what  produce they can not consume.

 

I know what you are thinking! Not everyone can afford to live in Sainik farms. If you have a roof   you can start an urban farm at a very low cost; about INR 5,000. There are several people that have done it already and some are willing to help too. If you prefer there is an entity called Living Greens that claims to have set up 4000 such farms in 25 different cities. If you have no access to roof, there are balconies and if all else fails there are indoor plants. Snake plant; available easily is one of best options to improve indoor air quality and who has not heard of money plant ( Pothos Jade) and ferns. All great choices. The thing is we must make more of an effort and depend less on some messiah to come relieve us of pollution. Imagine if everyone did what they can......

 

When nothing is going my way I always remember my Grand Father for inspiration. So in his last days he was bed ridden and clearly no hope of getting well. He wanted to read Ramayan ; a scripture in Hindi script that he did not know how to. He asked one of my uncles to read it to him. After a few times My grand dad realized he is wasting his son's study time  by not asking him to stop recitation for  upwards of an hour. He decided that his son will stop reading to him, instead he will teach him the script every day for half an hour. He passed soon after and I am not aware what progress  he made in his learning before leaving this world. Missed asking my uncle , who has passed too! But  this was a  man that never  flinched from doing the right thing; never stopped improving; never gave up  ; never wallowed in grief at his dire circumstances and remained fair to people around him even at a personal cost . He knew what to do less and what more is apt. I wish life gave me more time to learn from him. 

There are other examples if we care to look closer to present times. Indian Idol's season 16 is on air. A contestant Abhishek Kumar is doing very well. If you look closely you can literally see his impoverished circumstances. You can see his working class background with father a street food seller. You can see his ordinary dress; cheap glasses and small town demeanour. No, none of it matters. He has put less stress on what limits him and focussed more on what elevates him - his music. He is providing meaning to his life. He is talent rich and achieving his goals. What more do you want from life?

If ever in doubt, just remember to focus on what you do best and leave the rest. Act; doing nothing gets you nothing. Less is more!

 

'AQI 401'

Representative Image

Doctor's office is a phenomenon in itself. As you are waiting , you get to observe all the other patients; some are on their phone; some trying to deal with rowdy children; some visibly impatient - all are waiting for the nurse to call their name.  It is nothing short of a live reality show. It can be an hour and more at times before you get called because the doctor is always ' running late'! This is the excuse the reception will give you and it has not changed in about 18 odd years that I have been going there. You of course can not go late for your appointment!  So the other day I did what I do after about 15 minutes of watching the reality show; I start watching the  news on TV they keep in the waiting area.

The thing about Western media is that it is very commercial and will slyly put out stories that serve their paymasters. Now a days there is invariably a negative story or two about India. That day after they talked about ' a car bomb going off in a busy part of Delhi,  killing dozens' in the first part of the bulletin, they finished with Delhi's absolutely horrible air quality index  at 401 in the last part of the news! 

What the fish! Air quality index - Delhi's Achilles heel ! What are we going to do about it? This August I was there for about 3 weeks. It was still August - when smog and stubble burning is not that big a factor. When it rained from time to time and washed away the pollutants in the air.  Yet I had such a horrid time scratching the rashes all over my body and just trying to breathe.Hell! I grew up in the city and I used to travel in super crowded DTC buses hanging from the door handle; without breaking a sweat. But then things apparently were not so bad in those foregone days of my youth.

As it happened, nobody had any time  for me on this trip and I never had to leave the house to meet anyone. I stayed in my AC room most of the time and was likely saved a worse ordeal than I may have endured by regular exposure to the elements outside.  Talk about a blessing in disguise! 

Just for confirmation, all the scratching; rashes and heavy breathing resolved itself quickly - few hours after I returned from Delhi.

 

I know that huge influx of internal immigrants and its attendant challenges  have made matters worse. Traffic congestion induced idling and massive growth in  the vehicular traffic is a major contributor. So is the industry including coal burning thermal power generation plant at Badarpur. Delhi metro has helped quite a bit by taking many vehicles off the road, but  it has not really made much difference to the overall outcome. 

 

Let us address the elephant in the room - Stubble burning in the farms of Punjab and Haryana ! A number of solutions have been tried ; half halfheartedly I would say because farmers are giving serious push back. Of course there is a need for crop diversification and water management that will  manage the crop rotation better and reduce or even end the need to burn stubble.

As we have seen farm reform laws meant to address these concerns were resisted vehemently in the recent past. No government in their right mind will antagonize over 80% of the electorate and hope to survive.  Farmers burn stubble because they need to clear the fields quickly  and that allows them to sow another cash crop. Stubble really is of no  financial value to them. Some time ago I heard  of a chemical spray that hastens bio degradation process of stubble as a solution. No one knows what happened to it. It is anyway an additional operational cost that will be burdensome. Setting stubble on fire costs a match box to the entire village !

 

How about we show farmers a way to monetize stubble? Do you think they will be interested? It involves them to carefully roll the stubble into bales and sell them for extra cash without  having to burn it. That will benefit everyone and  make a huge difference in the air quality of all the downwind areas.

 

 

 

Strawbale houses are not a new idea. Straw mixed with mud has been in use for thousands of years. It is time to expand and refine the process. It will be quite effective in the rural areas where straw is generated as a residue after harvesting the crop. Its local use will generate revenue and  also save on material transportation and building costs too. 

Tightly packed strawbales can be used instead of bricks and mortar for making wall structures. Usually a light lime and mud plaster is applied on too. Tests have shown a very high degree of fire resistance in such structures, as well as exceptional thermal insulation. R values typically are between 36 - 48 depending on the moisture content of the bales. In comparison concrete masonry has an R value of 1.11. It is a no brainer - suited to both very hot or colder geographical locations. There are no design limitations or concerns about structural safety either. You stymie pollution right at the source by repurposing the straw material. No straw; nothing to burn! You may checkout strawbale.com

https://www.strawbale.com

I am convinced this is the silver bullet that will significantly diminish  pollution. It will of course require public awareness; government initiative; regulatory / techincal approvals;  co operation and training of skilled trades. Yeah; add socially aware architects to the list. Builders and building materials lobby will hate It but It is doable and if I win a lottery I promise to put most of it in this... Seriously I will put my money where my mouth is! 

That brings us to the cities. Encouraging Public transport is a great tool. Other cities have tried a number of things with varying degrees of success. Intensification is a process that increases  building activity in a specific zone, rather than spreading out construction activity further and further away as normally happens. This allows for optimal use of the municipal services; effective maintenance monitoring and  reduces transportation needs of the residents by concentrating all human activity in a defined area.

Fly ash brick uses waste material  from burnt coal and also avoids the significant pollution generated in the traditional brick making process. Container homes use old containers used for transportation and turn them into housing. They are successfully being used for regular housing as well as temporary needs. Some of these projects are stunning spaces. ICF ; 3 D printed homes; use of prefab building components - all need to be encouraged and invested in. They all are part of our response to this crisis.

Slum redevelopment is as much about human dignity and social justice, as it is about regeneration of cities and pollution control . People having to live in cement pipes is a shame but maybe not. Hong Kong has a proposal that actually uses a stacked 2.5 m pipe to house people.

 

OPOD tube concept is not such a bad idea. Apparently similar projects are already  in varying stages of development in other countries as well.

That brings me back to Delhi and how some of the private redevelopment is taking place. Euphemistically called builder flats; it is a hit or miss. More miss than hit sadly! In a way it is welcome that it is adding to the available housing stock but most of the flats are concentrating on squeezing as many bedrooms as possible. Circulation , proportion, curb appeal and landscaping does not figure in the scheme of things. Most are poorly planned concrete boxes. Hideously decorated with ugly ceiling elements; garish wall treatments and impractically small kitchen areas squeezed in; I won't recommend them. I have yet to see a single correct bathroom layout. Parking needs are invariably compromised for the residents themselves and  guest parking is unheard of.

I am not referring to the pricey upmarket localities of Gulmohar park; GK 2 and south Delhi farm houses. Things are better there because plot sizes tend to be generous with  low population density.  By any chance have you seen the price tags on those properties? You would think you are looking at something in London; New York or the Bay Area.

I am more concerned with smaller , narrower <100 sq. m row housing redevelopments in areas like Chattarpur; vasant kunj and Raj Nagar. Similar design language is echoed in several other areas including suburbs like Faridabad and Gaziabad. All these developments are being executed with a 'slum' mindset. Cram as many beds as you can in as little space as possible.  Maybe a strict elevation / plan regulations like Chandigarh is required in Delhi. Though I am not sure if anyone follows any rule in Chandigarh any more. Anyway all new development there is outside the city limits in areas like Mohali.

Sadly even planned neighbourhoods like Rohini and Dwarka have quickly gotten degraded with mushrooming slum pockets; missing drain covers; broken pedestrian paths; twisted road divider elements rendering it entirely useless. They are following exactly the pattern that was seen in Saket and Vasant kunj previously. I expect the new developments in kakardooma to mirror this  decay faster. Delhi society generally has  very poor civic sense; refuses accountability or responsibility  for their own environment.  Nobody cares! I have a good theory about it. Maybe I will take it up  some other time.

Good aesthetics; new building materials and construction techniques  with  responsive design is being practiced elsewhere in the world facing similar weather; noise ; air pollution and over crowding challenges as Delhi. Why can't we care? Why not?

H house, Vietnam

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