Ektrina was drunk a little,so was I. We had just finished dinner with our group and then continued our discussions on the renaissance movement as we took the elevator to my room. I was a little high on champagne as I said but not so high that I could not see that she was making moves to stay in. I was young, stupid and idealistic. So that night after a little while I called the front desk for a taxi for her to go home; before things got hot. That I thought was the appropriate thing to do since I was in a committed relationship.
Do not ask me what I think today. You may not like the answer !
Anyway a couple of days later I took a long flight to see the one I was missing so badly, the love of my life! I had managed to conjure this trip by a lot of manoeuvring; calling in every favour and at a substantial cost to me. You see, I was not supposed to break my assignment as per my contract but I was in love and I would pay any price.
I had bought some semi precious trinkets and a ring which was received with eyes moist with emotion befitting the occasion. Two days later however my person stranded me because ," my friend had to buy clothes"! Really , that's what my priority was in their eyes? My person never talked about 'us'; never discussed a future plan and mentioned the richness and the car of this ' friend' pretty much with every second breath during the two odd weeks I was there.
Anyway that trip I was met with naked lies, cruel deception and gas lighting. Clearly they were already intimate and I was already on the chopping block . They just maintained the confusion by bread crumbing. It did culminate in a shamelessly selfish and an inconsiderate full betrayal soon after with the same 'rich car driver'.
About forty years later I made another long gruelling trip to mostly see the same person. Again at a very high cost,largely emotional. I Put the acrimony of the betrayal behind and ignored the permanent wreck it has foisted on my life. Yes, I am really as stupid as I was in my youth! When I did not change; how in the blazes did I expect this person to have changed?
Luckily nobody cheated me this time round. There were no lies, no betrayal; nothing. Literally nothing ; since nobody bothered to talk to me! I expected 'unloved' but I went unseen and unheard too. No consideration was ever shown and there was zero recognition of the effort I was making. I did not even merit the basic courtesy of a 'hi'! They chose not to recognise my existence. Although I made it clear that silence is rude and insulting to me; I was met with a whole lot of silence. Of course I was blocked on every channel of communication.They did not want to know what I had to say. At least they made a clear choice.
It was quite devastating to see how dramatically this person had shrunk. Inversely proportional to their super inflated ego! Apart from where they are in their life ; what have they become! I cried tears of blood for what could have been if they had only trusted me in life. As usual they did not. Honest loyalty; unconditional love and pure emotions hold no value in their eyes! All of their choices are based on their current selfish interests. Well; so much for my long distance travelling!
This person lost their family, lost their faith, lost identity, lost culture , lost honour. They lost a career; lost equality & freedom; lost an unconditional love and as for intellectual companionship for life - Lost! Lost! Actually I am so wrong; "lost" is not the word. This hapless person gleefully exchanged all of the above for money! Yeah! They did.Tragic but true! Sadly, Based on the available evidence I do not think they have a lot of it either!
Even if they have become super rich; it is still an abominable deal that they made; rank bad deal is what I think! There is no rationale for such a smart , educated and intelligent person to do so; except wanton greed, runaway lust and maybe some black magic.
Forty years should have given them some clarity; lot of wisdom and a little humility. They should have realized that no amount of money will ever compensate for what they so churlishly junked by the roadside. Enormity of all they lost should have dawned upon them! It should have been clear that they would have fared significantly better in life, had they trusted their own education & abilities to achieve success. They did not need anybody to be rich. Unfortunately they took the short slippery route to easy riches and paid an unaffordable price for it!
They should have realized that if someone still cared for them despite everything; it is nothing short of a heavenly blessing that they needed to nurture. Alas!
Ego, pride and emotional immaturity destroyed this person. Their constant need for external validation and implusive seeking of sensory thrills have gotten them in trouble on every occasion. They learned nothing from their past mishap and graduated to craft a graver one. Absolutely life altering one!
Their unwillingness to communicate has blocked every chance of a recovery. Their running away from responsibility and accountability has made their life miserable. They do not want to address their troubles, so they have to live with it - in hiding!
I suspect they probably realized quickly the crazy mess they have gotten embroiled in. There were far too many red flags to miss. Sadly their pride and ego stopped them from admitting their faults and exiting their choice while there was time to repair the damage. Of course they have continued to make that same choice every night for forty years. ' Selfish Greed' is the only explanation that fits. Maybe they are ashamed , maybe they are blase' ; but cutting all ties past this blunder to their own support network was the worst possible advice they have ever received in their life! Rank stupid, if this was self medication. Absolutely disgraceful, manipulative and sinister if they acted upon outside advice. Who in their right mind fires their own cheering party? I could shoot the person responsible.
Since they do not communicate, I am sensing from my third eye for them to be in a 'three of swords" situation as they say in the intuitive world. They are alone and up against a wall, yet they would not let me get their back and I was physically present for it too ! God really really pushed me to show up by creating helpful circumstances magically; where none existed !
Maybe the last trip was a lesson God designed for me! God however needs to come in directly without involving me going forward. If God wishes to help!
In fact this person has been quite comfortable with my absence for decades. They were enjoying life in peace all these years; never missed me! My showing up on the scene may have unnecessarily stirred up a hornets nest. I do not wish any harm whatsoever to come to this person; specially on my account. May they live their chosen life happily. May they get all they want. I willingly give over half of my entire good luck and blessings ever earned to this person. Let that be my gift! I could literally cut my heart out to turn back time and avert these troubles for them but life and time sadly only work in a linear forward movement. I will always care as promised but only God can help this person - if this person's ego allows.
