Denim Jacket!

Representative Picture 

By the time I reached grade 9, I had developed an awareness for fashion and things. Movies did  help in the sense that they  showcased all that is in vogue! I regularly watched foreign movies and read a lot of western books and magazines  that I had access to. Marlboro man with his hat, jeans and jacket was almost my hero. Almost; because Marlboro is a cigarette brand and I never liked the idea of smoking. It has always been very disgusting to me!

Among the things I wanted was a Swiss army knife; wrist watch with digital numerals; leather shoulder bag, sports shoe called Gola shoe in my childhood,  track suit from Adidas and above all a  blue denim jacket from wrangler! There was this store near Regal cinema in Cannaught Place.... I had it all figured out!

All those items on my wish list had one thing in common - expensive! They were all beyond my reach as a piss poor student. Given my nature I did not broach  the possibility of purchasing  anything from the list with my family. I knew they did not have the resources, it would just embarrass them! I carried my wish list in my heart for a long time.

 

When you are young time is all you have, nothing else! Smart people use that time effectively. Educating themselves; planning their activities; making good choices and preparing for future. I was not exactly smart. I was too emotional and I still am; did not have any guidance either and I choose things unwisely; only using my heart and very little brain. Nevertheless I finished my student life; started in my profession on a high note and gained funds to fund my wants. Out came my wish list promptly.

 

First thing I got was a leather messenger bag. We two became inseparable. Even when there was nothing to carry I carried that bag. Maybe it was a sign from universe that I will have to carry a heavy baggage all my life ! Interesting what insights passage of time affords  oneself !

I do not like to wear a watch, just wanted one. So that digital watch I got a few years later. From my first trip abroad. In fact I got a few. Some I gifted to family some I kept. None of them have survived the ravages of time. Although  I still have an 80 year old vintage Favre Lueba in working condition; the kind you wind up by hand every day and tally the time by listening to the radio. This originally belonged to a grand parent who handed that out to an aunt. This aunt did not like the visibly masculine design and she traded it with my mother's  ladies wrist watch . My mother promptly gave the watch  to me. I was 14 years old and I have had it since.

 

Shoes are a weakness usually reserved for ladies ! I am that exception. Given a choice of picking one thing among several of equal value I would choose...... you guessed it! I got that Gola shoe pretty quickly. In fact sports shoe is the first kind I got when I started buying for myself. So checked that off my list in short time. I have a dozen shoes and some pairs do not even come out of their box for months but I have them! If I had space I would probably collect another dozen! That's one of my weird quirk even I do not understand fully! What is the tie between shoes and me? Maybe another sign from universe signalling what is fated for me. Shoes will keep raining on my head, perhaps !

 

I had a blue track suit I remember. It still is someplace in our walk-in closet. I got some other sporty apparel from my foreign travels. Eventually I got older and also realized I am not exactly very sporty. Now I eschew that full track suit; just buy the top and ditch the lower. Smart, isn't it? In Ku'Damm area of Berlin there is a store that sells only knives. Amazing store indeed. I got my Swiss army knife there. The knife is cheekily called " The Night Manager"! I am not kidding! That is what it is called! So that's my list all Checked out.

 

Yeah I know ; the denim jacket! Well.... I do not have it, not yet! Maybe some day, maybe not ! There is a back story that may not be  too comprehensible to you but the fact is that only today it has finally dawned upon me as to why I have not bought it. So there is a small pavement bazaar on Janpath in Delhi. Long time ago I saw an Indian style ladies shoe called jutti . It was deep red toned and had an amazingly colourful Rajasthani folk design hand embroidered on it. As usual I imagined it on my special person. Something I still do for everything I like. I still remember the shoe was priced 50 Rupees. Usually you could haggle the price down a little as these sellers expect it too! I would have bought it instantly but stopped short since I was unsure of the correct shoe size.

 

So my plan was to buy the shoe which would look sensational paired with a blue denim jacket on my person.  I decided that next time we are together I would buy denim Jackets for both of us as well as the shoe and possibly some chunky silver jewellery to go with it.  My special person could approve the fit and design for both of us. It was a good plan!

 

Only, Next time never arrived!

 

I have almost bought the denim jacket dozens of times since ! Every time I have gotten out of completing the purchase on one pretext or the other. This happened yesterday too at the store. I saw the jacket displayed; I got pulled to it as if by magnet; I told myself ," you are too old for this "; I walked away!

 

At home I dissected my own behaviour and really looked at how many excuses I have given myself for not getting it; from 'it does not fit' to 'It is too expensive' and 'I do not like the design/ material'! I have gone through all of them and recycled the excuses a few times too! 

 

It is hard to face your own frailties and immaturity! The real reason hiding behind the facade of my excuses  is my very ambitious purchase 'Next Time'  plan that I gave myself 40 years ago! It sounded very doable and sensible  at the time. I am afraid denim Jacket will be have to rubbed off the list since it can not be checked out.  'Next time' may arrive only in next life and who knows in next life if these kind of clothes are still in vogue!