For the last 75% of my total elapsed life several matters of concern have raised their head from time to time. Just like everybody and their aunt's life! Some were dealt with rather expeditiously; some lost steam and disappeared on their own. Others required a little more focused effort on my part. Few- very few stayed on obdurately; paying no heed to my shenanigans.
The hardest of them, ' Is everything fine ?', gnawed at me everyday; persistently pushing, needling and looming large on my mind and spirits. I played all the possible scenes in my mind. I switched different permutations and combinations of all the possible answers. I shouted my query in the air regularly as life kept happening to me over all of these years.
'Is everything fine?';'Is everything fine?'
Of course there was no one there to answer back! As is my wont, I analyzed everything minutely. Events that culminated in arriving at this situation where there is no answer. Only a question that begets more questions. I felt a little responsible. I rewrote all the scenes of my life in my head.I changed my actions to other possible actions. Things I could have done or should not have done at such and such point. Things I said; stuff I left unsaid. Everything was imagined over and over and over! Wasted a lot of time on this, but the question remained.
'Is everything fine?';'Is everything fine?'
I wished I was a bit more believable! Why was I not believed, again? What exactly is my fault? Why don't I deserve an answer? I looked everywhere without luck for the entity that held answers to all these. The ugly question just would not go away even after it defeated and diminished me! I loose, you win; just let go of me! I pleaded for years. My inner voice however kept up the din.
'Is everything fine?';'Is everything fine?'
Apparently sheer stupidity above a certain threshold has been banned in the heavens and seemingly I overshot by miles! Universe finally had to step in to save me from myself! It suddenly started putting nuggets of information on my desk. Information that had eluded me for years. As if I even knew what to look for in the first place.
It knocked me on the head; pushed me hard; cajoled me, shook me and bombarded me with curated scenes in the right sequence. Scenes that I had gone through before in my head but never connected. It provided corroborating clues; one after another. And from some deep dark depth it unearthed the queen of the answers ! Peeling layer after layer, the universe put her under a spotlight.
The results were astounding! I was shocked to recognize what I should have known on day one! I was completely wrong about not being believed! I was believed totally. Every word of mine was believed, because it was true!
It just did not suit the new script being written with the new title," beliefs do not pay bills'! Script changes were premeditated and executed secretly in cold blood; one scene at a time. Words like Emotion, loyalty and commitment were erased.
Final project got released unannounced and unexplained. Totally without remorse; without regret and without a care except for monetary considerations. You could have heard the jangling sounds in the background.
Universe sent me the theme song too:
Everything was master planned; a great design I'd say.
It is more than fine. Shut the 'F' up and go far away!
You are no body to ask any questions anyway.
Simply a blot on the larger canvas.
Just go home and write in golden letters;
It was always fine and it is getting better.
You little blot - no longer of use to us !
Henry David Thoreau said, "The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it".
Money always costs too much. At times you need to exchange yourself entirely. In the end 'it is all about the money'!
Seriously we should test people for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. In order to ensure that they do not harm others or themselves. Trust me I feel like I have arrived here from a different planet !
'Whole program was painstakingly designed to be fine, you dolt!'
How in the blazes did I miss the answer staring me in the face for so long? what a dunce!
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